they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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