Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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