Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
