Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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