I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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