So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
3 2 1 whiskey
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
