On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
