You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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