sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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