Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
