I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
