i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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