she was so not down for the gang bang
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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