Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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