Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
