My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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