It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize