i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
