Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
