Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My boob is missing a layer of skin
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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