We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
