I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm both gender and math confused
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
