i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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