Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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