So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
