Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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