i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize