So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
