Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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