I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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