Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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