do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
