Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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