True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
