i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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