my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
