I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
