"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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