i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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