OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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