Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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