Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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