before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
