I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
