It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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