the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
