Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
