Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
