If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
