the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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