I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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