You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
