i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
