Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
