I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
