Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
