I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
