First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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