Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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