i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
