the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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