She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
