gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
