is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
