my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
