I'm so fucking centered right now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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