he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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