I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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