I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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