I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
